Emotions, Self-Value, and Another Thing
Nintendo never changes.
Years have passed since I played a Nintendo product, and yet, it feels the same.
Granted, Nintendo has never been known for the most cutting-edge graphics (remember Gameboy), but they have always been consistent about creating family-friendly content.
I think it has to do with Mr. Nintendo.
I can picture him standing in front of his boardroom. He would stand loomingly over the table as he would pronounce, “If you ever make one of my games bloody I will make you bloody!” He would thereby protect the friendliness of his company culture.
I had almost forgotten about Nintendo until I played a few games with my niece and nephews. They were painfully engrossed in the video games. And they took even more pleasure at my pain when they would bump my car off the road in Mario-Kart. Squeals echoed through the living room as they made their uncle feel small.
One go-kart weapon is particularly funny because it is nicknamed “the one-percenter.” They call it this because it takes out the person who is winning. Grrrr. Little Socialists.
But the game that I started playing recently is called Zelda. To my great shame, I even bought a Nintendo to play it. Something about it appealed to my nostalgic nature. I was not disappointed.
The thing that makes me most happy is they kept the “puzzle-solving” melody. It is a tune used in the original Zelda (back in the 90s) so it brought back good memories (Sound Here).
Every time they would play this theme I would get a little serotonin bump. Yes, they classically-conditioned me.
But that’s not my point. None of this is my point. There is a triangle of power in Zelda and in most of the games you are trying to complete the triangle to win the game. . .or whatever.
I thought I would take this concept and apply it to emotional health. So I’m introducing the triangle of power for self improvement.
Just picture Mr. Nintendo sharing this idea with his boardroom and you’ll love it. . .or as he might say, “You better love it.”
Since I hate when people, “bury the lead,” I’ll just tell you what the answer is.
Separate from the “not you.”
Feel YOUR feels.
Set up guardrails (or bumper lanes, if you prefer).
Let’s take each of these concepts one at a time.
NO. 1 - Separate from the Not You:
The first, and possibly most important step, is disconnecting from what is not you.
We all host an atmosphere. Our atmospheres will come with a mixture; but will include strengths and weaknesses. Rejection, critical-ness, joy, brightness, optimism, humor, confidence are all potential examples of what we can “carry” in our atmosphere.
A little known truth is that we can mix our atmospheres with other people (pick up what they are carrying). An even less known secret is that we can’t healthily host or process someone else’s atmosphere. As you might expect, it inevitably creates frustration, confusion, powerlessness, or hopelessness. These responses make total sense because we are being affected by something that is OUTSIDE of our control (it is someone else’s atmosphere). The more overlapped, or codependent, a person is with someone else the more affected they will be by their atmosphere.
It really doesn’t matter if you understand exactly why this process takes place, its biological advantage, or why we are so prone to sharing atmospheres. What DOES matter is the recognition that it is most healthy for us to only host our own atmosphere. And when we do, we will find clarity for our lives and peace for our souls. Nice. Very nice.
The simple tool to separate from other people is to visualize the aspects of their atmosphere we are carrying, send them back to the other person (or people), and then to imagine a forcefield between us. It sounds odd, but it gives our brains and hearts the distinctions necessary to clarify the boundaries of our personal identities.
NO. 2. Feeling YOUR Feels:
Similarly, we will often take on other people’s emotions. Grief, despondency, anger, sadness, disillusionment and other emotions can be picked up by us.
The simple reality is that it is tormenting for us to process someone else’s emotions (they aren’t ours!), but relieving and clarifying to feel our own.
Anger feels healthy when it is natural. Sadness feels relieving when it processing something we are sad about. Grief is a poignant and beautiful reflection of our love for someone or something.
Processing others’ emotions is painful. It is confusing, unfruitful, and has a grating quality. It’s because those are not OUR emotions.
Use the tool mentioned in the previous concept to separate from other people’s emotions. A helpful tip is to stop whenever you are feeling something that feels heavy or frustrating, and reflect whether it is your emotion or someone else’s you’ve recently been around.
No 3. Set up Guardrails:
This concept is a safeguard of sorts. As you start to “feel your own” atmosphere things get to be a little dicey. The acceleration of clarity, passion renewal, purpose definement, or life-momentum can be intimidating. Because it is not familiar, we have a tendency to self-sabotage. I’m looking at you reader!
To avoid crashing into the ditches on the side of the road, I recommend putting guardrails around your life.
Here are a few simple examples:
Having friends aware you are going through a life transition
Have plans in place for when you are tempted to sabotage
Don’t make any impulsive decisions (urgency is not your friend)
Remind yourself feelings won’t kill you
Surround yourself with people who have arrived where you are going
These are all pretty basic considerations, but they can save you untold amounts of pain and back-tracking.
If you implement these changes, with regularity, you can all but hear the Zelda “puzzle-solving” melody playing as background music over your life as Mr. Nintendo’s voice echos through the chambers of your mind, saying, “you did it you son of a bitch, you did it.”