Do You Have to Sacrifice Emotional Health for Success?

For years, I was haunted by a singular thought: if I heal my high-performing clients they won’t be high-performing. In a sense, this was true. Many of my excelling clients were obsessed with success or stature. They were willing to work 16 hour days, sacrifice family, compromise values, or nearly anything at the altar of achievement.

After working with them, it was common to discover where their “turbo boosters” came from. Typically, it was a parental figure they were subconsciously trying to impress, they were attempting to perform for love, they found their identity (and value) in work, etc.

After deconstructing the why, it often lost its importance in the person’s life: they felt loved for who they were, they prioritized connecting on a more intimate level with friends and family, they didn’t need achievement to feel good about themselves, and so on.

Unfortunately (or not unfortunately), they would commonly lose their frantic motivation as well. It was as if the gasoline they had always used for fuel was suddenly ineffective. As a business consultant, this was disconcerting.

After many reflections and much soul-searching, I concluded that this result was significantly better than the life they had been living. In fact, it is more closely aligned with the value system emerging in contemporary culture. Today’s culture values life quality, recreation, and family more than ever. Achievement is important, but it is no longer the benchmark for life success. This generation has been burned by over-working parents, and we don’t want the same for us and our families.

But what about finding success? Freeing themselves from their distorted ambitions would often lead to new, more pure, motivations. Once the individuals weren’t trying to “prove themselves” or earn “self value” they were much more clear on their passions, motivations, and desires. This clarity would often lead them into getting more direct about what they want to do professionally, how they want to do it, and where they can express the value they now feel. In other words, they become very effective at their work (in a different way). Their products took on new life, wisdom, and often creativity.

The question then becomes, “can a healthy person compete with a dysfunctionally driven one”?

In my experience, they can. There is a readjustment period, but they often end up in a far better place. A healthier person is more efficient, clear-headed, and inspired. They can align more authentically with their talents, and they are more clear on the direction for their company and themselves. They also create an atmosphere of health, so their employees and coworkers become more satisfied and empowered. Their employees’ satisfaction helps them become more impactful and invested in the business. It creates higher employee retention and a desire for employees to do their best.

All of this to say, I don’t like to promise my clients they will “make more money” or “be more successful at work.” I don’t think it is fair to promise something that may or may not be true. They might choose to completely disengage with their high-performing (high paying) job to do something they love. They might choose to balance work with family (and thereby spend less time at work or forego a promotion).

But, I strongly believe that becoming healthy pays infinitely higher dividends. The chances of happiness, satisfaction, deep intimacy with loved ones…and even work success increases dramatically.

If you are someone that has either over-performed, or under-performed, this is your season to challenge yourself. It is time to be willing to push all your chips to the middle of the table, and wager that you can have a better life than what you’ve been living. It’s a risk…especially for high-performers. It won’t be easy, but it will be what your heart has been aching for.